Lockdown Check-In

So I recently wrote a post where I admitted to having a hard time with everything going on. I also said I wanted to be more honest and open about my feelings. So I thought I would do a quick update of how I am doing.

Emotionally I am in a better place than I was when I wrote the post. Of course, my husband starts going back to work soon, so that might change things for me, I can’t say. I do know that our state has been handling this well; our case numbers are on the lower side, and our curve is pretty okay. I have also seen that that can change in a flash. I am trying to remain hopeful and positive, but the realism that things could change in a snap is hard to shake. I am managing my anxiety better, however.

Physically I have been better. My meds have not been helping for about a month now, and the insomnia is getting worse and worse. With few exceptions, for the last several weeks, I have gotten very little sleep, staying up in bed unable to sleep until 4, 5, even 6 am. I will grab a few hours there and a few hours here. It is honestly starting to catch up. With some advice (from a professional), I have gone off my meds (might try some melatonin for a few days), hoping that if I clear it out of my system, it will help again. I just really want sleep and, more importantly, want it at a normal time. It cuts into everything, including the time I have with my husband.

I haven’t gotten back to my consistent writing schedule, again largely the sleep problems, but I am getting there. I will get there. A few things should be off my plate in the near future, and that will help.

Also, I have been looking into at home work out stuff and building a few things I can do myself. In addition to not wanting to slow down my progress on losing weight, this might help me with sleep as well.

We also signed up for a produce delivery service. We are pretty well stocked (without hoarding) on the basics, pasta, beans, rice, etc. We were also lucky enough that my father had given us a decent amount of meat from his farm not long before all this happened. Really fresh fruits and vegetables, and things that don’t last like milk have been all we’ve needed to go out for. We hope this will cut back on even those excursions. It is mostly local stuff and a lot of variety, so I am hopeful that this will not only be good for now but in the future as well.

I am also trying to do what I can in my yard. If I had thought about it, we might have stocked up on things related to that, but hindsight and what not. Still, there are things I can do, and getting outside is so important. I understand things like a yard are a luxury for some people, but if you have access to one or a porch, I highly recommend just sitting outside even for an hour a day. Take it from someone who isolates a lot because of their mental health issues, finding whatever means to leave your house is a good thing. Work in your yard. Read a few chapters of a book on your back porch. Sit outside and face time with someone. The options are so limited right now, so take what you can.

Other than that, I am just floating through. I have not made the progress I wanted since last I checked in, but considering the circumstances, I am also not going to be too hard on myself. This post is a bit directionless, but check-ins can be like that.

I hope you all are well, and don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit you are having a hard time or reach out to people if you need to.

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I am a writer and streamer by trade. A gamer, reader, and all around nerd by hobby ;)

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