So I’ve made no secret of the fact that this was a bad year for me. As 2018 wraps up I want to discuss what went wrong, what went right, and some ugly truths moving forward.

The Bad

-My anxiety has hit an all-time high, and my depression has gotten worse. I also allowed both to overtake me and kill my productivity and motivation; honestly, I wasted this year.

-I basically gave up on Twitch, not just streaming but even really watching. After taking some time off and the roommate thing in 2016-2017 I had all these plans to really charge head first with streaming, and I just did not follow through

-I did not take my psychical health seriously at all

-I did not write enough, not even close to it

-I’ve become extraordinarily isolated and lost friends, or at the very least my connection to them

The Good

-I improved my cooking skill and found joy in it. It’s something that I want/need to do more of, and I am starting actually to want to do it rather than feeling forced.

-My backyard is coming together. It’s going to be at least another year or two still before it’s something I can be proud of, but considering where I started, I’ve done great work

-I stayed on schedule with my blog better than I have in the past and saw some growth with it. I have proof that if I really see it through I can make it into something

-While delayed I have come up with a new plan for Twitch and am already seeing some positive breakthroughs. I might have wasted this year, but I know I can do better and have seen proof of it

-I did finish a rough draft and the first draft of a novella. When I sit down and do it, I have the potential to be prolific. It was not enough, but it was something

-I made more effort with my family than I have in the past… which is not great, but it’s a step

-I’ve taken strides to be more positive and to think before I speak especially with social media. My negativity is not something I need to put out there

-I’ve become more aware of how much trash and food waste I produce, and am taking steps to rectify that

-I got two great tattoos

-I might not love myself, but I’ve started hating myself less

-I have started taking stock of how I spend my free time and stopped spending so much of it on hobbies and things that I don’t really enjoy and are just time sucks

The Ugly Truths

-Setting a schedule and routine is meaningless if I don’t stick to it, and I need to stick to it

-Not everyone I want to reconnect with will want to reconnect with me. There is a price to pay for my isolation and not being a good friend, and I have to acknowledge that. I will try, but I can’t force anything

-I am not in my early 20s, and that is not going to change, I need to treat my body and myself as such

-I have a problem with overindulgence, drinking, smoking, eating, you name it; I will overindulge on it. I need to attack that

-I could be a better wife

-I am terrible with money

-I am no closer to getting my Daruma doll tattoo filled in than when I first got it

-I have been and always will be my own greatest problem unless I am willing to admit problems and take real steps towards fixing them