It’s time I acknowledge that I have been a complete and total failure as a Twitch streamer. Beyond that, I have set myself up to not be able to pick up the slack and come back the way I need to.
If I had to pick a certain “thing” that set myself down this path I think it would be switching my account. I was already borderline unmotivated and getting super lazy about it. Some things had upset the balance before that as well as going through some personal stuff. I didn’t try when I switched over and created some pretty bad habits.
I kept thinking when I came back to my old account that now was the time. First, it was “now that I am back”. Then it was “after I work out a schedule with the housemate” then “after the housemate moves out”, “after we move”, “after our long summer trip”. I kept putting off coming back and kept finding excuses not to.
The harsh reality is I am not going to be able to dive in head first and get it rolling again. I keep saying I will, but I am not. I am still struggling with my own shit, and I have been inconsistent for far too long. This process is just not working anymore.
I need to set myself up for success. I want to eventually have a regular schedule again. I want to go back to a more “full time” situation. I am simply not in the place to do that.
I am going to embrace this for a little while. I am going to take some of the pressure off. I am not going to have a schedule for the upcoming weeks (months) and just get back into the grove of it. I am going to stream when I can and let it ride.
My hope is to come out on the other side prepared to set up a schedule and stream a certain amount. For now, though, I have to admit the shortcoming and do what I can. I am not mentally or emotionally well. I’ve been unmotivated for too long. I’ve gotten out of the groove.
I need to build it back instead of assuming I can start off with it already there.
I feel like I shouldn’t apologize anymore because it’s been far too long that this has been going on, but I am sorry. I hope this plan works and is agreeable to everybody.
I miss Twitch. I miss a lot of things.