I wasn’t sure about doing another post like this after just doing one for George A. Romero, however, I needed to get the thoughts down so here it is. I warn you that this will in part seem slightly dismissive and that is not my intention, just my honest feelings on the situation.

Over the last few years, my relationship with Linkin Park has been… casual. During high school and just after I was a pretty big fan. As I grew up some bands from that time I’ve completely left, some I still consider myself “an active fan”, and some it’s become more a passive thing. Linkin Park has become more passive. I still enjoyed their music, but I didn’t seek it out like I once did. There would have been a time when this loss would have left a major hole in my heart. For many years I would listen to their music on repeat, it spoke to me a great deal. One of my solos in dance was to a Linkin Park song. I found a great deal of inspiration and would often write while listening to them.

That has not completely changed. Some of their music is still in my writing playlists, and as I said I would enjoy their music when it came to me. There is a strong chance that I will not be able to listen to their music for a little while without tearing up at least some. I can’t pretend however that it’s hit me exactly as it would have, say 15 years ago. This is where I worry about it being dismissive, I don’t want it to seem that way. I am still hurt by the loss and feel deeply for his family, friends, and people who were still devoted fans. Mostly what I feel in this exact moment is the loss of something that I had already begun to lose. That part of my life was for the most part over, they represent to me high school and just after years. Something that had begun to fade, but now I feel is cut off completely. It’s a different sort of mourning and pain.

On the broader subject, I am hurt to hear of another inspiring musician lost to suicide. I can empathize with the pain that one must feel to reach that point, and it breaks my heart. I hate to see anyone lose the battle to any illness. Mental illness and addiction included.

I suppose that this is more casual thoughts than a legitimate post. But as I said, they needed to get out of me so here they are. I am sad that he’s gone, I reflect fondly on what he and Linkin Park once meant to me. I hurt for those that are more impacted by this than myself, and mental illness is a real s.o.b.