I don’t have a lot of self confidence… or really any. This is no secret, nor do I try to hide the fact. The issue is because I dislike myself so much I don’t really take time on certain aspects of myself. I often don’t do my hair, my makeup, even take the time to dress myself up. Now I am not going to suddenly turn into someone that obsesses over that stuff everyday. I am lazy by nature and I just like to put my hair up some days. I also don’t wear real pants when I am home… I see no point. That being said I’ve started to consider the value in embracing what some would call the shallow things. Doing my hair, doing my makeup, feeling better in the way I look. There is a lot to be said for outer confidence helping with inner confidence, if you feel good about how you look it can help translate to other things.
I’ve also been taking it further and focusing more on skin health and other aspects. Using products to help my hair, to help my skin, even things like being more consistent about how often I lotion. I’ve been doing things like making my face care regiment something I do all the time, and not just when I remember and feel like it. Finding better products for my hair, and touching up the dye more often instead of just when it gets so faded that I hate it.
Part of this is also to help me build towards bringing back facecam to stream. I keep saying I am going to, but then get super anxious and uncomfortable about the idea of being on camera. My weight is still an issue with this, but I am hoping that taking my time with my appearance might help me feel better about being on camera. It’s not easy for me to just say screw it and put myself out there. That being said I miss camera and the interaction with people. I want to get my confidence back to use cam again.
I want to add as a side note to this that I don’t necessarily like that we consider taking pride in your appearance shallow. With all things people can take it too far, however there nothing wrong with it. Beyond that it can be helpful to the rest of your life. Feeling good about how you look is not something that should come with the inherit shame that we often apply to it. We do this to ourselves and to others. I used the term shallow because it just felt like the easiest way to sum it up, but as contemplating this I realized I didn’t like it hence the “ ”.